How to Overcome Compassion Fatigue
Berated, battered, and beaten down – that’s how I felt when I placed the call.
“Hello,” answered the Adoption Supervisor from the Children’s Aid Society. Her friendly voice triggered my emotions. “Hi,” I squeaked in an unusually high octave. “Who is this?” she asked. Silence lingered as tears flowed from my eyes. After a few seconds, which felt like an eternity, I gained composure and explained my situation.
Her response didn’t surprise me: “You’re at risk for Compassion Fatigue.” The prolonged stress of enduring my daughter’s disrespect, defiance, and dysregulation took its toll. It supressed my full capacity to love and show empathy towards her. I yearned to pull myself out of this situation.
The supervisor redirected my path, and the seemingly impossible task of rejuvenating myself became possible. Here are three strategies that worked for me:
· Educate. Who wouldn’t want some extra “tools in their toolkit” to deal with their child’s behaviours? The Supervisor helped me seek expert advice. I enrolled in a PACE (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, and Empathy) workshop offered by two counsellors experienced in adoption. I then pursued networking opportunities, support groups (in-person and via social media), a Psychiatrist, helpful books, and more workshops.
Information provides insight into my daughter’s behaviours. This empowers me to deal with her underlying needs. The result is two-fold: a contented child and an emotionally available parent.
· Energize. The buzz on self-care is everywhere. I discovered that some forms of self-care are more beneficial than others. Relaxing forms of self- care, such as taking a bath, feel good in the moment but don’t sustain me. However, energizing forms of self-care lifts my spirit and sustains me long term. Watching The Bachelor with a friend energized me in ways I never expected. The friendship, the show’s suspense, and the laughs we shared infused my life with joy. I’d even argue it improved my Compassion Fatigue situation the most.
What excites and energizes you? When you find it, I recommend regular engagement. Your spirit needs to be refuelled just like a car.
· Escape. Respite offers an escape from the day-to-day grind. It refreshes the soul. I find it better equips me to exude compassion, lavish love, and model patience.
I’m lucky that my extended family provides respite. My parents and my husband’s parents support our family by embracing sleepovers. Our situation dictates who goes: my daughter, my sons, or all the children.
I’ve accessed other respite options through friends and various organizations. Some of these include: after-school daycare, camps, church programs, and weekend sleepovers with family friends. A therapist once suggested the Big Brother and Big Sister organization. It’s a good idea but we chose a mentorship/respite schedule with a friend’s daughter. Perhaps these options will trigger ideas for you?